A way to become good again

At the bottom of all pain there is only one trigger; to be loved and to be accepted. As a child it is our first and foremost desire to be approved of by our parents. We compete with our siblings and constantly try to push ourselves to gain approval, needless to say herein lay all our deepest psychological problems. You can become a world renowned whatever but If your dad didnot approve of you as a child; the whole world will chant and you will never believe it. Deep down your feeling of unworthiness will never abate. We carry this longing to be accepted as a cross throughout our lives and this loneliness is a barren land. I have seen people punish and push their selves to the hilt; so that they can conform to what their families and society at large expects them to be. Not being accepted for who you are creates a weird hollowness in your life and you continue to berate yourself; albeit unconsciously in most cases.

Is there a way to overcome any hurt that you may have experienced intentionally or unintentionally?, to accept who you are and appreciate yourself in a different mindful light? 

“There is” as Khaild Hosseini says in The Kite Runner “a way to become good again”. The answer lies in a phenomenon we call “Sila Rahmi” or “unconditional forgiveness”. What it means is that you forgive the hand that hurts you without any expectation. “Sila Rahmi” is a reward in itself, since it takes you to a much higher plane in the realms of the soul. The unconditional forgiveness frees of you of the immense burden of hate and negativity; it frees you from the cumbersome emotions of disappointment and resentment. It means that you mindfully forgive the people who have caused you pain; made you feel unworthy of love and acceptance. Does that sound weak? I fear not. Only the strongest heart and mind can accomplish a feat as amazing and great as forgiving unconditionally.

The first step to “Sila Rahmi” is kindness, random acts of kindness. Once you start tuning yourself to be kind to random strangers you will have crossed the first barrier towards the highly protected road leading to your ego. The second step is kindness to people connected to you, this process is in reverse only because years of conditioning otherwise makes it hardest for us to be vulnerable to the ones that we care for the most; where we are afraid we will get hurt the most. So we start with the people in the larger periphery of our existence, visiting the elderly relations, sending a kind message to the old school friend you haven’t spoken to in years, visiting a sick colleague, taking time out for volunteering for a good cause, It is astounding the effect these random acts will have on your well-being, how light you will feel, how full of joy.

Once we addict ourselves to the opium of kindness, we move towards the inner “Labyrinth” and there; like Sarah chants to Jareth, we repeat to the hurt that we are so afraid to confront, “You have no power over me”.  It is not easy in the case of one very dear to me, it has been a hard uphill climb with quite a few landslides on the way. You are repeatedly reminded of the callousness and the excruciating pain that you endured and yet despite all your painful memories you push forward,armed with kindness  towards that ultimate reward,“inner peace”.

It may take a moment or may take a lifetime but the journey is worth much more than any castle that we may build on our insecurities, the freedom it entails too intoxicating to be given up by surrendering to base emotions such as fear and control.