Tomorrow is another day

2012 was tough in more ways than one, but where it was tough it was certainly the year of acceptance and growth. We have these times, which are times of accelerated personal growth, of awakenings and understanding. I used to think that the era for my personal growth and introspection came and went and that I have achieved a good level of personal insight; I believed, that I had learned a few good lessons that life could teach me that I have been well grounded; I was wrong.

The thing about understanding is it stems from some acute pain. That’s the rough part. I used to wonder why each great master piece had a tormented soul in the back ground, well now I know. Not till you are in real pain can you understand the value of so many things. There is a lesson in every hardship that comes knocking on our door, and every challenge brings with it, options. The option to either accept the blow gracefully and become stronger, find the courage to live with the new set of challenges and mould yourself to this new task or the option to cry and complain about life in general and how you only bear the brunt of fates twisted ways.

In clinical terms we experience the five stages of depression, in case of an emotional trauma. There is the denial, followed by anger, then bargaining, the sinking depression and finally acceptance. This is a very cruel process, for different people the stages are different. All or most of us go through the first four on our own pace. This depending upon our general attitude towards life and our support systems or lack of them, but the last “acceptance” is a true gift that not everyone is blessed with. Stressful emotional situations bring out the worst in us, at times we have to reconfigure our entire programming; who we are and what we want from life now. It is overwhelming not to point fingers at one’s own self and others for our misfortunes, to finally accept that the doing is done and in the eternal words of Freddie Mercury, that "The show must go on".

Life is unpredictable, that’s why it is beautiful. Who knows what great good is to stem from the hardship that you face today. Who is to say that years from now, when you look back, this very challenge changes the entire course of your destiny, takes you places you never imagined, opens doors that you didn’t know existed. All it takes is an adjustment of your thoughts and life has a new dimension to offer.

With these tidings I bid 2012, farewell.

Real inspiration http://vimeo.com/7976699

Food for thought

There is no teacher better than adversity. Nothing will make you claw inside yourself looking for answers, to questions you had long forgotten. Nothing that will make you sit back and take notice of the tiniest of blessings in your life; nothing to make you value the things you have, compared to the things you don’t. No better teacher than desperation, which will make you consume your last reserves of will power and energy, to keep you moving. Nothing will make you more tenacious than facing the worst imaginable fears and then emerging on the other side.

Adversity offers this lesson to everyone, whoever wishes to learn. The answer to this strange riddle called life is nowhere but within ourselves. The power of man is only to try and understand rather than to try and control the myriad events in our life. We all love making plans, big plans and small plans, plan A’s and plan B’s, till we realize that the only plan we have any control over is to make no plan, and the only thing consistent in life is inconsistency. So what do you do when the going gets rough and  you are once again with your back against the wall?

Sometimes such amazing things come by as if by chance, and you have that “aha” moment. Back in 2005, I was in a certain dilemma and among other things one book came to help me in a way that nothing else could. The book was, “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand.  Like all works of art, I saw in it what I wanted to see and that book helped me find a piece of puzzle, completing the jigsaw.

Again my dear friend adversity decided to pay me a visit, this time with a tougher riddle. And I found myself at loss all over again. All that material and reasoning I had gathered again proved inadequate leaving me desperately looking for answers and looking for hope. Surprisingly, again by a strange twist of events the answers found me. This time in the form of “Sher-e-zaat”, a brilliant drama penned by Umera Ahmed and directed by Sarmad Sultan Khoosat. It is not the story that is unusual or compelling, but the philosophy that lies at the heart of the story. Umera’s understanding of the intricate relation of the spiritual with the realistic is absolutely gripping.

The philosophy will not impact a person who does not have Faith, or in other terms “does not believe” in a “Higher Power”. But for people like me, who derive most of their strength from their faith, it provided some brilliant concepts to ponder over. It is just strange that I should have found that book at that precise time or “Sher-e-zaat” now. I either willed them into my life or it was pre designed in the grand scheme of things; this I will ponder over another time…

http://www.dramasonline.com/category/hum-tv-dramas/shehr-e-zaat/

To Kill the Jabberwock

Down the rabbit hole I went, tumbling, bumping all the way. We stand face to face again,The Jabberwock and I. Him donning his invisible cloak, attacking from within. I run and run till my tired legs..... can carry me no more.

I hear him laugh behind my ear, his laughter ringing in my head.The spidery fingers of a creepy  fog grasping me, nowhere I can hide.I feel I am blind though my eyes do see....Indeed I am blind.For all is white in this crazy land,where I live with my fears. The Jabberwock devours my thoughts,It rejoices in my trembling soul.....I strengthen his powers every day,by fearing his very being. Hell is my worst fears,Hell is the home of the Jabberwock; right there on the top of my head,.....me, carrying my own hell........everywhere.

But no more……no more.

It is time to kill the Jabberwock,time to look him in the eye.To march all my fears in, one by one,through this wispy land.I will slay them all, with my bare hands..... each and everyone.The Jabberwock shall reign no more....in this hell of mine.

I shall conquer him, I shall conquer this..

http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/jabber/jabberwocky.html

http://aliceinwonderland.wikia.com/wiki/The_Jabberwocky

The Curious Case of the Left Liberals

It is interesting, these labels.

The Centrist, Rightist, Leftist, Marxist, Fundo all these categories that we have created to identify various diasporas of people. I have been toying with political theories in my own naïve way and rested on the conclusion; based on available facts, that in most cases my ideologies confer with the leftists and the liberals, hence I must be one of the creed. However, every year I am subjected to scrutiny and a lot of raised eyebrows by my fellow leftists. The reason to them is fairly simple; left liberals cannot worship deities. Religion and rituals have no place in a world of hard facts.

And so it is, this saga starts with the dawn of the Ramadan moon; for in every way otherwise I conform to your usual urban leftist’s idea, of what it is like to be; well an “urban leftist” in Islamabad. So its Ramadan and we meet and the usual questions, “you are fasting? why You still believe in Santa Clause and Cookie Monster?”, or “ it’s because you grew up in the 80’s Pakistan, Zia’s Pakistan and you are oh so confused still about religion, cause your head is poisoned with State controlled syllabus”….

I don’t know or care about the labels, really. My ideology of life can range from anything to everything, what I practice is my selection of values and beliefs that work for me. The one thing I understood about the Liberals was this, freedom to be who you want to be, belief in the right of the person. I understood that they are people who are open to ever changing ideas about everything in life, open to new cultures and tolerant of differences in others. They believed in the right of the individual to express one’s self in any way possible, so far so good. But why these Islamabadi liberals are threatened by my personal choice to practice religion baffles me. It will be far more acceptable to them if I do drugs to deal with the shit in life, but pray…lo and behold, is next to treason. Some of them, I believe, actually think it’s a very middleclass and unfashionable thing to practice any form of religion(which btw has nothing to do with being a leftist or not). The skeptic’s however, will throw in my face many arguments as to why I am completely deluded in my beliefs.

My question is very simple, if I am not threatened by their secular humanist way of life, how come my beliefs are unsettling to them. How vain to think that we have figured it all out, have all the facts lined up; when science is a process of continuous questioning and discovery. Everything is possible, because our beliefs make it so. If my praying gets me through my anxieties, depressions and keeps me calm without a dose of anti depressants and pain medication, how can it be bad in any way? .Besides,a truly open mind would be open to myriad of ideologies of life, just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it isn’t true for the believer.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane, by those, who could not hear the music- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

 

Imagine

I have a riddle that needs an answer. Every now and then it surfaces in my head and keeps floating around; It has me guessing a thousand answers... What I call a riddle may be a simple matter for a lot of people; rather it is a very simple matter.

 Is ones pride bigger than every other positive emotion that one feels? Should a notion of my own importance be the impediment to my own happiness? And is it better for me to wallow in a self inflicted misery so that I can make others more miserable, who mean something to me? How sadistic it is to derive pleasure by licking my own wounds, and denying myself a measure of peace, to continue in a manner that hurts me and the people I care for….but most importantly; is it better to have stuck to my own point however wrong or right then to maybe, bow a little and admit that there are a thousand shades of reason. That there may be a place where both may be wrong and right and that maybe by letting go of the past one can truly embrace something better. I don’t mean that every crazy person who treats you bad needs this altruistic treatment, No. But I believe that being emphathetic to a person who cares for you, does not make you appear weaker.

Alas! I rant… in real life,” sorry” is the hardest word. It is far easier to pick up and leave then to untangle a crazy bag of knots. There are very few people who genuinely matter in one’s life and to lose those to a false notion of pride would be to lose a lot in the end. Everyone seems dispensable and replaceable when we are young; a lot of people found and then lost, but I fear that as we progress in life, we realize the importance of those who really cared. There are a few nuggets of gold that I have and for them my Pride doesn’t stand a chance; I fear that the regret and resentment that I would have on losing them, when the time is lost to make amends, will be much worse than any blow to my ego today. Does that make me look needy and desperate to them, the answer is no. Since these few know that this feeling stems from a genuine regard. For me life cannot be lived playing mind games, I am not weak to be scared of getting hurt, for some you have to tread an extra mile.....but this is my philosophy and hence my problem. Since I cannot play this field I constantly find myself on the losing end.

So I continue to wonder why most of us have this myopic view of life.Where each of us carries our own personal cross of pain and suffering, how much better it would be if we could alleviate that pain somewhat, by being less severe, on the ones who care for us and most importantly by being less severe on ourselves.

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

 – John Lennon from “Imagine”

Theory of Relativity

You hear a story, any story from more than one person and with every rendition the story will take on a new form; a new meaning. The facts may be the same, where facts are very quantifiable events but the overall feel; underlying motives will alter as per the perception and understanding of the narrator.

When relationships end, run into trouble or friendships sour; that is where one hears the “most” stories.Each party has a gruesome heart-rending version. Is there necessarily a wrong party and a right party? I am afraid not in all cases. Since an event has to filter through our own perceptions, hence each person will experience an event differently. For example, men and women take very simple things and understand them at variance all the times. Expectations vary from one person to the next. Women generally expect constant reinforcement of love verbally and physically, men will be complacent; if he is living with you obviously he cares!.She wants to be asked everything, wants to tell everything and share everything; he likes his space. No wonder the relationship bandwagon runs into portholes all the time. These differences may be generalizations of each gender, so lets take gender here as constant. Will then the truth be the same for everyone?

I am afraid not. Truth for each person is relative; a sacrifice deemed by one may be considered routine by another; something to do with an individual’s conditioning. There are so many factors at play when we are accessing an event but what we normally don’t take into account is our own temperament and our level of understanding. For one person vocalizing is easy, words are tools, for another they are precious resource scarcely touched upon. Some yell in pain; others suffer in silence. There are a hundred different labels on each one of us, sensitive types; impulsive, a rational ones governed by logic or a gullible ones driven by others ideas. 

So why did someone do what they did?

The answer lays in that particular someone; but here is the twist. How many of us really understand why we do what we do? Can we really define our core essence as a person? If I was asked to explain each and every decision that I made will I be able to articulate?Usually people will answer with a set of their likes and dislikes, their beliefs and their core values. Are all these things different from who we are? or are we a sum total of all are memories and experiences, likes and dislikes?

Each and every one of us is constantly evolving and changing. Our environment, our frustrations our joys and even our biology are constantly altering us. Ten years from now when you will hear that “story”, you may come to a very different conclusion; the truth for you may have evolved from what you perceive as true today.Truth in essence is relative.