Imagine

I have a riddle that needs an answer. Every now and then it surfaces in my head and keeps floating around; It has me guessing a thousand answers... What I call a riddle may be a simple matter for a lot of people; rather it is a very simple matter.

 Is ones pride bigger than every other positive emotion that one feels? Should a notion of my own importance be the impediment to my own happiness? And is it better for me to wallow in a self inflicted misery so that I can make others more miserable, who mean something to me? How sadistic it is to derive pleasure by licking my own wounds, and denying myself a measure of peace, to continue in a manner that hurts me and the people I care for….but most importantly; is it better to have stuck to my own point however wrong or right then to maybe, bow a little and admit that there are a thousand shades of reason. That there may be a place where both may be wrong and right and that maybe by letting go of the past one can truly embrace something better. I don’t mean that every crazy person who treats you bad needs this altruistic treatment, No. But I believe that being emphathetic to a person who cares for you, does not make you appear weaker.

Alas! I rant… in real life,” sorry” is the hardest word. It is far easier to pick up and leave then to untangle a crazy bag of knots. There are very few people who genuinely matter in one’s life and to lose those to a false notion of pride would be to lose a lot in the end. Everyone seems dispensable and replaceable when we are young; a lot of people found and then lost, but I fear that as we progress in life, we realize the importance of those who really cared. There are a few nuggets of gold that I have and for them my Pride doesn’t stand a chance; I fear that the regret and resentment that I would have on losing them, when the time is lost to make amends, will be much worse than any blow to my ego today. Does that make me look needy and desperate to them, the answer is no. Since these few know that this feeling stems from a genuine regard. For me life cannot be lived playing mind games, I am not weak to be scared of getting hurt, for some you have to tread an extra mile.....but this is my philosophy and hence my problem. Since I cannot play this field I constantly find myself on the losing end.

So I continue to wonder why most of us have this myopic view of life.Where each of us carries our own personal cross of pain and suffering, how much better it would be if we could alleviate that pain somewhat, by being less severe, on the ones who care for us and most importantly by being less severe on ourselves.

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

 – John Lennon from “Imagine”