The Relation Ship

Some people fall more readily in love (in all its base and lofty forms) and at a closer pace than others. The reason is very simple, they are risk takers who are not afraid to explore where a mutual attraction may lead. It is human nature to safeguard itself against getting hurt and to build defenses against advances that we may feel, will lead us to pain. This is especially true if we have been hurt once or more in our life by the object of our then affection. Our choices determine the path of our romantic life, while yes safeguarding one’s self is important unfortunately not having loved is not having lived.

However, Love is not a tag that should come with every emotion of attraction that we experience. It is no guarantee that if you are in love with someone your relationship with that person will be a long lasting one. Love is a complex emotion, when it moves out of the realms of the soul and starts finding its physical manifestations; it is met with a lot of disappointments. Love is romance and life is not, the reality of life has to be synchronized with our feelings in a relationship.

You can love a person with your heart and soul; fight the fight and go the distance only to discover, after having settled down that it may not be all that you imagined. Does that mean that your love wasn’t real? I believe that is not the case, love comes in all shapes and sizes. The wrong marriage between two soul mates can make them resent one another simply due to that fact that there is a difference in what we want and what we actually need. We as people have very poor real knowledge of ourselves; not until we experience something first hand can we decipher how it may irk or liberate us. A habit or a thought in one person may be the sole conflict in one relationship and the strengthening bond in another.

Real life is governed by a numerous things that will affect a relationship, which actually do not come in to play in the initial stages. Our conditioning, beliefs, habits, environment, work, ethnicity and economics; everything from what and how we eat, to when and how we sleep. In truth love may take root in mutual physical attraction, an intellectual bond or simply a soulful connection but once it becomes a relationship it comes with a very small shelf life and an expiry date. In the beginning the mutual attraction is enough fuel to charge the relationship and propel it to the next levels, soon and this may vary from one to the next; it is bound to hit the plateau. From here you need something else to keep the relationship going or gradually you will move into the downward spiral.

The only relationships that really last are the ones that change shape and color, just as people in them evolve. From the initial stages of euphoria it has to move to a close bond of friendship and communication. In the end the only standing emotion required for a truly great relationship is being able to talk to a person who knows all your warts and imperfections, respects your opinion and cares for your needs. Chances are that you may have a more stable long lasting relationship with your best friend than the love of your life with whom you have a brilliant chemistry. Again, there will always be exceptions to the rule.

The way I have experienced it, in the mathematics of love; Love is not necessarily equal to a great relationship. Love may be unconditional which a relationship isn’t. You can love a person and not be able to have a life with them and sometimes you can live with a person you have never really loved. In this game the only real losers are the ones that never fall; love’s labour is never lost even if your relationship was. In short: Love can survive without a relationship but a relationship cannot survive without some form of love.

Love. Delusion?

“What is love anyway, does anybody love anybody other way”

There is no way to define love, each person will experience this most talked about emotion differently. There can be no definite set of words that will equally apply to everyone who experiences this emotion once or more in their lifetime. The most talked about human trait, the most touted of feelings; love can be easily confused with infatuation, flirtation, lust and awe/curiosity. Does that mean all these emotions are not love, and love in its essence is a holier more sacred emotion?

For simplicity’s sake, let’s divide love in two. There is the love for one’s family, country, religion /beliefs. Love is a learned behavior in this context, a child that has been cared for by a set of individuals will love them back, the child will have a bond with the surroundings that it grows in, naturally attached to its native environment; hence love for the land and finally, the beliefs that it sees its elders practice and preach. All of the above are broad generalizations, with many exceptions to the rule.

Here I talk about romantic love, love that a human being may experience in the course of  a lifetime .We understand and love differently as a teenager, for us the idea of being in love is more romantic than whatever the relationship may be. Just the very notion of someone being attracted to us makes us feel giddy and important. We are conscious of our looks and others and what it may mean to the person who fancies us. In our twenties it starts to take a more mature form, taking into consideration other variables such as understanding and interests, still even if we hold the question of age as constant can we absolutely conclude on the love delusion? For Love is notorious for clouding ones judgment, we see what we want to see and believe nothing else.

Fancy is a great word; though under-utilized in describing our attractions. I believe most of the times we just fancy one person or another. Most times we imagine or fancy that our life could be perfect if a certain someone is a part of it. We may fancy a person who is in a position of power, better looking, popular or wealthy. We can justify all these to be true love. This feeling is very fleeting and the object of our fancy can readily be replaced. This emotion is not the kind of love that we are talking of here; though it could be called its shallow younger sister.

It may happen that you meet someone and an instant light bulb goes off. At other time it is after many encounters that one qualifies to the level of love. But I believe that before we become conscious of someone’s importance in our life, a click happens in our brain and something deep inside not only hears it but responds to it. I believe that we all act as receivers and transmitters of signals. We fall in love every time we get a frequency match. How that happens, are there some specific codes that we unconsciously follow, I am sure. Human beings are an energy form, the reason we get attracted to the same kind of people over and over is part of the genetic code that we are emitting.  

A person walks in the room and instantly you get a negative vibe from him/her, you decide in the blink of an eye whether you like that person or not. The rationale behind this may be very complex and may take painful psychological evaluation but people like Malcom Gladwell, writer of the famous book Blink and the Tipping Point suggest that our core programme sifts through lot of information in a matter of seconds and presents us with a verdict.

The first instant that you hear a bing, the first thought that comes in your head is almost always correct, till we start coloring it with our own preconceived notions, our prejudices and align it with our conditioning. Our prejudices of race, color, ethnicity and worldly placement are not featured in this ancient processor that we carry. There is a theory that all souls in this world were made on a single day and that they appear in this world at different times. Scientifically that seems correct; the universe cannot hold another iota of matter, we keep recycling from one form of matter to another, so it seems highly plausible that we are all connected in a way that even science has not been able to tap. The entire universe comprises of one single soul and with some souls we have an ancient bar code that bing’s when we are near them.

I believe it is possible to sometimes meet one, sometimes more of the people who carry the same code. Our intensity of feeling with each will differ widely due to the worldly connection and considerations that we all experience. What we decide to do with each specific encounter is our choice and free will; but love for me is not a delusion ; rather a matter of frequency.