The Relation Ship

Some people fall more readily in love (in all its base and lofty forms) and at a closer pace than others. The reason is very simple, they are risk takers who are not afraid to explore where a mutual attraction may lead. It is human nature to safeguard itself against getting hurt and to build defenses against advances that we may feel, will lead us to pain. This is especially true if we have been hurt once or more in our life by the object of our then affection. Our choices determine the path of our romantic life, while yes safeguarding one’s self is important unfortunately not having loved is not having lived.

However, Love is not a tag that should come with every emotion of attraction that we experience. It is no guarantee that if you are in love with someone your relationship with that person will be a long lasting one. Love is a complex emotion, when it moves out of the realms of the soul and starts finding its physical manifestations; it is met with a lot of disappointments. Love is romance and life is not, the reality of life has to be synchronized with our feelings in a relationship.

You can love a person with your heart and soul; fight the fight and go the distance only to discover, after having settled down that it may not be all that you imagined. Does that mean that your love wasn’t real? I believe that is not the case, love comes in all shapes and sizes. The wrong marriage between two soul mates can make them resent one another simply due to that fact that there is a difference in what we want and what we actually need. We as people have very poor real knowledge of ourselves; not until we experience something first hand can we decipher how it may irk or liberate us. A habit or a thought in one person may be the sole conflict in one relationship and the strengthening bond in another.

Real life is governed by a numerous things that will affect a relationship, which actually do not come in to play in the initial stages. Our conditioning, beliefs, habits, environment, work, ethnicity and economics; everything from what and how we eat, to when and how we sleep. In truth love may take root in mutual physical attraction, an intellectual bond or simply a soulful connection but once it becomes a relationship it comes with a very small shelf life and an expiry date. In the beginning the mutual attraction is enough fuel to charge the relationship and propel it to the next levels, soon and this may vary from one to the next; it is bound to hit the plateau. From here you need something else to keep the relationship going or gradually you will move into the downward spiral.

The only relationships that really last are the ones that change shape and color, just as people in them evolve. From the initial stages of euphoria it has to move to a close bond of friendship and communication. In the end the only standing emotion required for a truly great relationship is being able to talk to a person who knows all your warts and imperfections, respects your opinion and cares for your needs. Chances are that you may have a more stable long lasting relationship with your best friend than the love of your life with whom you have a brilliant chemistry. Again, there will always be exceptions to the rule.

The way I have experienced it, in the mathematics of love; Love is not necessarily equal to a great relationship. Love may be unconditional which a relationship isn’t. You can love a person and not be able to have a life with them and sometimes you can live with a person you have never really loved. In this game the only real losers are the ones that never fall; love’s labour is never lost even if your relationship was. In short: Love can survive without a relationship but a relationship cannot survive without some form of love.